Farther
by reanne080
Summary: Starts off in the summer after the fourth book. What would happen if everything Harry was told was a lie? Who will be there to help him put his life back together. Severitus Challenge.
1. Bother

Farther  
By Reanne080  
Rated R  
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Hello, everyone. Well, I have decided to write another story. I   
hope that this will be a long one, but I will not guarantee anything.   
This is also going to be unlike anything I have written before, so   
please bear with me. I am doing a couple of different things in   
this story. The main one is that this is probably not going to have   
a lot of romance in it, which every story I have written so far has   
been. In addition, this will deal with "mild" child abuse. I say mild   
because it is not going to be nearly as bad as a lot of the fics I have   
read. I am not going to have Harry totally traumatized over this.   
There is cussing, too. In addition, I am hoping to make this story   
be a response to the Severitus Challenge. If you do not know the   
details of this, look up the penname "Severitus" There is a link there.   
^_^. I hope this will be on par with some of the ones I have read so   
far. Thanks and enjoy!  
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Wish I was too dead to cry  
A self affliction face  
Stones to throw at my creator  
Masochist to which I cater  
  
You don't need to bother  
I don't need to be  
I'll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on  
I won't let go 'till it bleeds  
  
Wish I was too dead to care  
If indeed I cared at all  
Never had a voice to protest  
So you fed me shit to digest  
I wish I had a reason  
My thoughts are open season  
For this I gave up trying  
One good time deserves my dying  
  
You don't need to bother  
I don't need to be  
I'll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on  
I won't let go 'till it bleeds  
  
Wish I'd died instead of lived  
A zombie hides my face  
Shelf forgotten with it's memories  
Diaries left with cryptic entries  
  
And you don't need to bother  
I don't need to be  
I'll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on  
I won't let go 'till it bleeds  
  
You don't need to bother  
I don't need to be, yeah  
I'll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on, once I hold on  
I'll never live down my disease  
  
~ Corey Taylor---Bother  
  
*************************************************************  
Harry lay in his bed, tears running down his face. It was all he   
could do to keep from sobbing aloud. The events from the end   
of last year were still fresh in his mind. They never left him alone,   
those memories. They tormented him, night and day. A part of   
him knew there was nothing he could have done, but he still felt   
over whelming guilt.  
  
It did not help that his relatives, the Dursleys, were being even   
more horrid to him this summer, if that were possible. He had   
even more chores to do, since he was going to turn 15 this summer.   
He did not get much sleep, either. He was having two different type   
of dreams and neither allowed him much rest. It was either   
Voldemort, who was a lot busier now that he had a body, and the   
ones that dealt with the third task. In addition, the punishments for   
"misbehaving" were worse, too. If he did not have his chores done,   
he was punished. That happened almost daily, since he did not get   
enough sleep or to eat to have the proper energy needed to do them.   
At first, it was just a smack on the back of his head. Then it was a  
smack to the face. Eventually, it was a closed fist to the face and   
as summer progressed, it got steadily worse.  
  
Around mid-summer, Harry was not looking all that good. He was  
thin, pale (despite having to work in the yard to keep the Dursly's   
yard up to par with their neighbor's), had large circles under his   
eyes from lack of sleep, and bruises covering a lot of his body. He   
did not know how much more he could take. He knew he should not   
feel sorry for him self. At least he was alive. Cedric did not have that.   
That was what made it impossible for Harry to end it all, even though   
he was sorely tempted at times. He could not go visit Ron this summer   
because the threat was too much and he did not want to burden the   
Weasly's, who were more of a family to him then his own blood   
relatives.  
  
As the sobs subsided, Harry looked out his barred window to see the   
first hint of the dawn. He sighed deeply, knowing that he was going   
to have to get up and start on breakfast soon. He wiped his face with   
his overly large tee shirt and got up. He quickly and quietly went to   
the bathroom and took a birdbath. He was not allowed to take a full   
show, as water cost money. He briefly looked into the mirror and   
sighed. His hair, which had never grown before, was now at his   
shoulders. He did not know if this was because he was too tired   
after a day of chores, for whatever reason, or if he just did not   
care anymore. He did not know how he was controlling his hair   
growth anyway. He also noticed that because of his lack of food   
and appetite that his cheeks had lost some their fullness and his   
face seemed a little longer and features a little more sharper.  
  
He just shrugged and went on to do his day of chores.  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Severus Snape was very pissed off. He was stalking down the   
hallways to Dumbledore's office, a letter clutched in his hands.   
His face was a mask of barely controlled anger. He growled   
out the password and the statue jumped aside very quickly.   
He stormed up into the office.  
  
Albus was sitting at his desk when he heard the statue's opening.   
He was startled at the commotion, but quickly composed his face   
to reveal nothing. He was not too surprised that the person   
storming into his office was Snape.  
  
"Ah, Severus. What can I do for you?" His eyes dancing merrily.  
  
Severus made a harsh sound at the back of his throat and slammed   
the letter on Albus' desk and glared at him.  
  
Albus raised an eyebrow and picked up the letter. As he read the   
letter, his eyes got wider and wider. At the end of the letter, Albus   
looked up at Snape. "You know what has to happen now, don't you?"  
  
At this, Snape sank into the chair in front of Albus' desk in shock. It   
was simply too much information for his to take in. After a few silent   
few minutes, he looked up at the older man and whispers in a   
disbelieving tone, "You mean it's true? It's not a cruel joke?" There   
almost seemed to be hope shining in his eyes.  
  
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Well, there you have it. The first chapter. I will warn you that   
I have a short attention span. So I will need a lot of reminders to   
post new chapters. The more you bug me and the better the   
reviews, the faster I will post. ^_^. Nothing like a little blackmail.   
Also, if I feel I get a flame that I don't deserve, then I will flame   
back! And I do have a nasty little temper. ::smiles serenely::   
Thanks for reading. Please leave a review! 


	2. It's been a while

Farther  
  
By Reanne080  
  
Rated R  
  
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Wow. I can't believe I have gotten so many reviews in just one day! And they all were nice, too. Heh heh. Thanks everyone. I hope I can keep you all happy with my story. This next chapter will mainly be in Snape's POV. Thanks again.  
  
^^^^^ = Separations in story and flashbacks  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. This goes for the last chapter, too, but since I posted it right before I went to bed, I forgot to add it in.  
  
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I want to thank the people who reviewed.  
  
Jliles  
  
Kateri  
  
Lei Dumbldore  
  
Katy999  
  
Enahma- ::chucklels:: Thanks. I know Snape was a little OOC,   
  
but I will be explaining that in this chapter. I hope you like the   
  
rest of this story.  
  
Momma-dar  
  
Stephanie  
  
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And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could hold my head up high  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I first saw you  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could call you  
  
And everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
  
The consequences that I've rendered  
  
I've stretched myself beyond my means  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you  
  
And everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
  
The consequences that I've rendered  
  
I've gone and fucked things up again  
  
Why must I feel this way?  
  
Just make this go away  
  
Just one more peaceful day!  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could look at myself straight  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I said I'm sorry  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
But I can still remember just the way you taste  
  
And everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
  
I cannot blame this on my father  
  
He did the best he could for me  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could hold my head up high  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I said I'm sorry  
  
It's Been A While ~ Staind  
  
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*Snape's POV* Earlier that day:  
  
Severus was sitting behind his desk, making up a potions schedule that he thought that the students could handle. He was glad for the summer break because he did not have to act anymore. He could be himself with out the little spies reporting his every move to their parents. Now this does not mean that he was all sunshine and happiness, but he was not quite as moody or mean as he had to pretend to be. Damm the little monsters anyway.  
  
He sighed as he realized that he was not even paying attention to want he was doing. He finally decided to go back to his rooms, since he knew he had plenty of time and was not in a rush. As he walked into his room, he was surprised to see an envelope sitting on his table. The paper was yellowed with age and the ink, a beautiful emerald green, was not as vivid as it should have been. He picked it up and turned it over. As he saw whose seal it was, he dropped it. His heart started to race as memories started to flood into his mind. He dropped into the leather sofa in front of the table. He could not believe what was going through his head.  
  
It was Lily's personal crest, cast in emerald green wax. He leaned over and picked up the letter with shaking hands. He held it in his hands, still not able to read what was written. He let his mind wonder to the past.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Severus, a scared, scrawny little boy, with long, dark hair, was sitting in an empty compartment on the Hogwarts train. He was on his was to his first year there. He did not want to be here. He knew he was not going to make any friends and that he wasn't good enough to make his father proud of him. He just knew that he would not get into Slytherin and his father was going to kill him. Just was he was about to throw up, a little red headed girl opened the compartment and smiled at him. He stared blankly at her. She was very pretty, with her sun kissed skin, dashed with charming freckles on the bridge of her nose. Her Emerald eyes flashed with an inner fire that no eleven year old should have. Her eyes were too wise, like they could look into your soul to judge your worthiness to even breathe the same air as her. Severus's breath caught in his throat.  
  
"May I sit in here with you? All the other's are full and you also seem to be my age." The little girl stated calmly and quietly. Severus just nodded his head, too mesmerized to speak. "My name is Lily Evans, what's yours?" She asked.  
  
"Severus. Severus Snape," he said in a very quite but friendly voice. The little girl smiled and held out her hand to him.  
  
"Oh, I like that name. Want to be friends? I don't know anything and I could really use one." The little boy smiled and shook her hand. They chit-chatted till they got to where they were to get off the train. They rode on the same boat and were both shocked speechless at the grand splendor of the castle. They giggled as they got off the boat and walked sedately to the castle. They both stood together all the way to the sorting hat. They held hands till one of their names were called.  
  
"Evans, Lily"  
  
She walked up, very bravely and sat on the stool and did not cringe when the hat was placed on her head. The hat seemed to take its sweet time with her. After about five minutes, the hat yelled out "Gryffindor" She smiled a little sadly at Severus and walked over to her table and sat down.  
  
Severus was very disappointed, but he knew that she would not be pit into Slytherin, since she was muggle-born and that was never done. He waited, even more tense, since his friend was not there to keep up his moral. After a lot more names were read off, th moment he was dreading came.  
  
"Snape, Severus"  
  
He walked with as much pride as he could muster and sat on the stool. He waited til the hat was put on his head.  
  
'Hmmm, very interesting. Very hard to place. I see a lot in your head. I see that you could go into any house. You are very brave, whether or not you believe yourself to be. You are also very intelligent. You are loyal to those who have proven to be worthy of it and you are very driven. Hmmm. Where would you like to go, young Severus?' said the hat.  
  
'You mean, I get to choose? Well, I would love to be with Lily, but I know that that is not an option. Please in Slytherin. That is the only place I can go' Severus thought sadly.  
  
'Are you sure? You could make a lot of friends in Gryffindor, be happier too, in the long run.'  
  
'No, I better go with Slytherin. I cannot disappoint my father.' Snape thought.  
  
"Ok, if you are sure, better be' "Slytherin". Severus stood up and took off the hat. He did not have any expression on his face and walk to his table. As he passed the Gryffindor table, his eyes caught on Lily and he smiled sadly at her and sat down at his table.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
A few years later, Severus and Lily were still friends, but it was a hidden friendship. Both of their houses would shun them for their friendship. They met at the library and often studied together. All that time studying paid off and they became head boy and girl. That year, Severus and Lily got a lot closer to each other. They started to secretly date. However, Severus had to also spend a lot of time with Lucius Malfoy. Boy did he hate that boy. Oh the things one did to please their father.  
  
Around the end of their last year, Severus had to do something that he regretted and had never wanted to do. He had to get the Dark Mark or get disowned from his father. He decided to do the only thing he could think of the make the situation any better. He went to Albus Dumbledore and told him that he would be a spy for the light. He knew that he was going to have to keep up a reputation for being an evil bastard and it pained him to do so. He hated the lie that he lived. But there was nothing that he could do. Lily knew what had happened and agreed with him that this would have to be done. No one else knew but the three of them. Not even Lily's friends, who Severus hated with a passion, knew.  
  
They both graduated at the top of their class and right after, were married by Albus Dumbledore. Everything was great in their relationship till Lily's friends found out that Severus was a death eater. They hounded Lily day and night, but she still refused to give up Severus's secret. Then, around that November, five months later, when Severus returned home from a meeting, Lily was at home, waiting for him. She was gone. On her pillow was a letter.  
  
Severus,  
  
How could you? It has only been five months since we were married. Wasn't I enough for you? Or are you starting to believe that crap that Voldemort is shoving down your throat. Well, screw you. I am through. Do not try and find me. You will not be able to. I am dead to you.  
  
Lily  
  
When Severus read the note, his heart broke in two. He sat there and cried for hours. He couldn't eat or sleep. He just kept waiting for her to come back. After a few moredays, he received a letter telling him that Lily had filled for Divorce. He was too heart broken to do anything about it. Then a month later, Lucuis brought to his attention an article in the Newspaper that James Potter and Lily Evens were married. At this, Severus, walked off. After that, he never let himself love another person in his life. He did not want the pain. He numbed himself to everyone. It got worse when he heard that Lily had had a son and that he looked just like that Potter. Damm then All! Then, he heard that Lily had been killed and that Voldemort had been defeated. He had cried for months after that.  
  
After a while, the act that he had done in school became his true attitude in life. He was cold and mean to everyone. He snapped and snarled at everyone. He kept everyone away fromhim with his surly attitude. He never wanted to care for anyone again.  
  
He kept that vow for the next ten years. Then someone came along who he couldn't ignore. Harry Potter. Damm that boy for having his mother's eyes. He had to look at that boy everyday. Every time that those same emerald eyes looked at him, his heart broke into. He knew he was being unfair to the boy. He didn't have anything to do with his parents, but then, when your heart is hurting, what part does logic take in your thinking. Severushated him for the boy's father for taking his Lily away and hatred for his mother, who left him to be miserable for the rest of his life. It was all he could do to keep himself from throttling him whenever he opened his mouth.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
As the thoughts came to an end, Severus carefully opened the letter. He was scared to death to see what was written there.  
  
Dear Severus,  
  
If you are reading this letter, then I am dead. I am sorry for what has happened to us. Someone lied to me. They sent me a letter, saying that you had cheated on me and being in the emotional state I was in, I believed them. Then, when I went to my friends, theyconvinced me that what was in the letter was the truth. I let them sway me to divorce you.  
  
I should have known that you would never do that to me, but by the time I realized that, it was too late. We were divorced and I was married to James. We were nothing more then friends, but no one else knew that. We never consummated out marriage vows.The reason I married him was that I found out that I was pregnant. No, it was not James', but yours. That is right. Harry, that is what I named him, is yours. He does not look like it now, but when he was born, James and I put a charm on him to look like James. We both decided to put the charms on, to protect Harry. i thought that you were really a Death Eater, that you had switched sides. I didn't want that for our son, so I hid his true parentage. It will start to wear off when he turns 15 because I will not be around to renuew them.  
  
I hope that you can forgive me, but I am hoping that by the time that this letter reaches you, that Voldemort will have been destroyed and that you can raise him as your son. If you don't believe me, ask Dumbledore for a way to prove that he is your son. He will know what to do. No one knew that he was your son, except James and I. Please Forgive me, my Love.  
  
Love forever and always, even in the beyond,  
  
Lily  
  
He stared in shock at the letter and reread it many times over. He had a big grin on his face. Then, it was wiped off. What if this was a joke. What if this was Lily's last revenge on him? He had to get to Dumbledore to confirm what was written. He lept up off thecouch, the letter clutched into his hand and stalked off down the halls to Dumbledore's office.  
  
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Well, that is the next chapter. Man, I can't believe I have posted two day's in a row. I have never done this, but the reviews I got were so encouraging and I had the time and inclination to do it. Yah me! ::smiles:: Well, I hope this pleases everyone. Thanks for reading. Now, please review. Have a nice day. 


	3. When I'm Gone

Farther  
by Reanne080  
Rated R  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wow. I can't believe all of the reviews I have gotten. Thank you   
everyone. I am going to start to put response at the bottom of   
this fic. Thanks again everyone!  
  
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There's another world inside of me that you may never see.  
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.  
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.  
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.  
  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.  
Everything I am and everything in me  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.  
I'll never let you down even if I could.  
I'd give up everything if only for your good.  
  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,  
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone  
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.  
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.  
  
Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.  
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.  
  
Everything I am and everything in me.  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,  
Ill never let you down even if I could.  
I'd give up everything if only for your good.  
  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,  
So love me when I'm gone.  
(Maybe I'm just blind)  
  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.  
Everything I am and everything in me,  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.  
  
I'll never let you down even if I could.  
I'd give up everything if only for your good.  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.  
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone.  
  
When I'm Gone ~ Three Doors Down  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Albus smiled at the younger man in front of him. "This is not a joke,   
Severus. This is Lily's handwriting and seal. It is also written in the   
ink that she made specially for her own use. I know that this is not a   
forged letter. Everything in this letter is the truth," Albus stated calmly.  
  
Severus was shocked. He could not believe it. He thought that any   
evidence of his love for Lily was gone, dead, but now there was a boy,   
a glorious symbol of their love. As this thought crossed his mind, his   
face broke out it the largest grin imaginable. He had a son. That   
thought amazed him. Now that he knew that Harry was his, all the old   
hatred, which was caused by the mistaken belief of a betrayal, was gone.   
He looked up at Albus. "When can I get him? I have missed  
15 years of his life so far. I do not want to miss out on another second.   
His other family has had enough long enough. I want him now, " he said   
in a mad rush.  
  
Albus looked a bit startled at this declaration, for it could be nothing   
else, of Severus's devotion to the boy who he used to despise. His   
eyes twinkled merrily. He was thrilled that Severus was so happy at   
the news. He knew that the past years had been veryhard on the   
younger man and was glad that something was finally working out.   
He also knew that Harry was not thrilled to be at the Dursly's. He  
could tell that by the fact that he never left the school till he had to   
and when he did leave, it was with regret.  
  
He smiled at Severus. "Well, we do have some things to decide, but   
we need Harry to be here for that. I see a number of possibilities that   
might be needed to make everything happen. There are things that   
need to be done before he can be brought here. We need a room that   
he can stay in, preferably in your quarters so that you both can have as   
much time together before the new school year starts. In addition, we  
need a bit of your blood toadd the same protective wards to the castle   
as there is where he is staying at now. That should take about two days   
and by my calculations, that will take place on Harry's birthday. I think   
that would be a great birthday present." His eyes were twinkling like   
mad after this little speech.  
  
Severus just nodded. He was willing to do anything for his new son.   
He wanted everything to be perfect for him. He left the office and   
went back to his room. The first order of business was the blood.   
He went in a drawer and pulled out a knife that he used for preparing   
potions. He cast a quick sterilizing charm on it and cut along his upper   
arm. He quickly put a phial up to the cut and collected the blood. After   
he had enough, he cast a healing charm on the cut. Then he rushed back   
and gave the phial to Albus. Before the older man could say a word, he   
was rushing back to his room. He went to a closet that was off the main   
room and cleared it out of miscellanies junk. After that, he enlarged   
the room quite a bit. Then, he transfigured a bed, dresser, and   
bookcase. He left everything else for Harry to decide upon. All   
of this took a very short period of time.  
  
As Severus was finishing up everything that he had done, Albus walked   
into his rooms. Albus smiled at the room that Severus had made up for   
Harry. Then he looked at Severus, "I knew that it wouldn't taken you   
very long to get this ready. Would you like to help me make the new   
wards?"  
  
Severus just nodded and fallowed Albus outside where they spent the   
next two days working on the Wards.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Harry was pissed off. He was locked in his room again, for not   
completing the long list of chores that he was given. He sighed.   
Of course, no one could have gotten all that done, at least without   
magic. He had been 'punished' for his laziness. His body was   
sore from the beating he had received.  
  
It was two days till his birthday and that meant he still had a whole   
month before he could escape from the Dursly's. He just did not   
understand why it was soimportant to have to stay here. He would   
not have cared if he was left on his own. Hell, he would not have cared   
if he was placed in a bunker, 50 feet underground. Anyplace had to be   
better then here, he just knew it. He had not eaten in days and his body   
was protesting that fact every loudly.  
  
He sighed again. He had to keep his mind occupied till morning,   
where at least he could do something. When he was locked in his   
room, there was not any thing for him to do. Finally, he was so   
bored that he fell asleep.  
  
He dreamed that he lived with his parents. They were both alive   
and nobody had ever heard the name Voldemort. Everything was   
perfect and life was good. He had a little sister and brother that   
idolized him. Right in the middle of a lovely breakfast, the dream   
ended abruptly.  
  
The familiar surroundings of an old, musty mansion came into view.   
There, on old, decrepit chair, sat Voldemort. In front of him was the   
rat-man, Wormtail. Wormtail was shaking and Voldemort was smiling.  
  
"So, Wormtail, what news have you brought me tonight?" Voldemort   
hissed.  
  
"We know where the boy is at, Master, but no one can go through   
the wards. Everyone who has tried has been stunned as soon as   
they try to cross it. There is no way to get through them, " Wormtail   
told him timidly.  
  
Voldemort's face scrunched up in fury and slammed his fist down on   
the arm of the chair. "I will not except that answer. You better find a   
way in , or your life will be worth even lees then it already is. Now   
get out of my sight, " he shouted. Just as Wormtail was about to   
leave the room, Voldemort raised his wand and whispered, "Crucio."  
  
Both Wormtail and Harry erupted in screams. Then, Harry was lifted   
off his bed and thrown across the room. He stopped screaming and   
looked up. Towering above him was his uncle.  
  
"Damm it boy, we are trying to sleep! You will shut up, even if I have   
to knock you out to do so!" his uncle screamed at him, his face purple   
with rage. Vernon preceded to beat Harry until he blacked out, which   
took about fifteen minutes. His uncle left him bleeding in the corner.   
The damage was extensive. This was the worst beating he had had   
to date.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Two days later, Severus was barely holding in his excitement. The wards   
for the school were completed. He could finally get his son. He walked up   
to Albus' office and knocked on the door. After hearing a greeting, Severus   
walked in. He walked up to Albus' desk and smiled.  
  
"Can I get him now?" He asked, his eyes bright. Albus smiled and nodded.   
That was enough for Severus and he quickly left the office and walked out   
of the school grounds. He quickly used his wand to change his clothes to   
jeans and a shirt and apperated to the next street over from the Dursly's.   
He already had an address, so he quickly walked to the right house and   
knocked on the door, barely suppressing a grin.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ha. There. Another chapter down. He he. I am on a role, though this   
chapter was a lot harder to do. I don't know if I will continue to update   
everyday. I do not even know what is going to happen. This is all coming   
off the top of my head.  
  
By the way, I need a beta reader. If anyone knows of anyone who would   
like to help me, please, please, email me. I try to catch my mistakes, but   
that is not possible. I want my stories to be the best they can be, but with   
out a beta, that isn't possible. I do not really know how to go about getting  
one, so if anyone can help me, I would be very grateful. Thanks again for   
reading my story. Please review.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Responses to the reviews:  
  
Max48504 (my hubby ^_^) – Thank you hunny!  
  
Lei Dumbledore - Thank you for the corrections. I am currently looking   
for a beta reader right now. Thanks again for the advice.  
  
Kitala - ::chuckles:: You will just have to continue to read and find out.  
  
RivenKnight - Thank you. I am not sure how graphic I can be with the   
abuse, but it's not going to be a main issue or anything so I am just   
touching and glossing over it. I just think that anyone who could lock   
a child in a cupboard would not feel too guilty for physically abusing   
that child. Thanks again.  
  
Belladonna - ::smiles:: I hope so. Keep bugging me if it takes longer   
then a week to update.  
  
Fnxmoon - ::chuckles:: I am glad that you love it. I will post as often   
as I can.  
  
Sparrow - Thank you  
  
Sela - Thanks. I will try not to do anything that has been overdone,   
but sometimes it can't be helped.  
  
Katy999- Thank you  
  
Kitty - Neither can I! ::chuckles:: Thanks  
  
Selua - Here you go, I hope you like it.  
  
::chuckles:: well, as you can see, I am quite giddy with all of the   
reviews I have gotten. Thanks again everyone. I love you all. 


	4. Whisper

Farther  
By Reanne080  
Rated R  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hey all. Sorry that it took so long for this chapter to be   
updated. I had a little block, but hopefully, it's gone now.   
I have a beta now. Thank you Katy999. ^_^. She is also   
going to beta the previous chapters and then they will be   
replaced. Thanks again. Reveiw responces at the bottom   
of the story.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me, nor does the songs.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Catch me as I fall  
Say you're here and it's all over now  
Speaking to the atmosphere  
No one's here and I fall into myself  
This truth drives me into madness  
I know I can stop the pain if i will it all away  
  
Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die  
  
I am frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know that there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain if I will it all away  
  
Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die  
  
Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end  
  
Whisper by Evanescence  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Severus waited impatiently for the door to be opened. It took a  
good five minutes for the door to move. It seemed like years to  
the anxious man.  
  
A grotesquely fat boy answered the door, looking curiously at  
the stranger at the door.  
  
Severus stared at the hideous boy and used his patented  
"scare-the-shit-out-of-the-first-years" glare. "I am here to see  
Mr. Potter," he sneered at the boy.  
  
The boy's face turned a sickly white-green. His mouth gaped  
open and no sound came out. Then the boy ran terrified down  
a small hallway, forgetting to shut the door.  
  
Severus was very confused by the reaction he had gotten. He  
stepped into the house and quietly shut the door. He moved  
silently behind the boy and heard the tail end of the conversation.  
  
"What? Send him away. Tell him that no one lives here by  
that name. Why would anyone be asking about that freak  
anyway?" came a loud, masculine voice, that couldn't possibly  
belong to the boy who answered the door.  
  
Severus's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. The words he  
heard didn't make sense. He knew that they were talking about  
Harry, but why would his family be talking about him like that?  
Those words held more anger then even Draco could put in them.  
Suddenly, a lot of things clicked in Severus's mind. Potter  
showing up, looking small, even for an eleven year old, his  
involuntary flinching when an adult touched him, without first  
being aware that it was going to happen, that he never left the  
school, except for the summer.  
  
As all of this came together in his mind, he saw red. He had  
seen enough of abuse with being Slytherin's head of house,  
that he knew that his son had been abused. He stalked into  
the room where he had heard the voice. The door slammed  
into the wall, startling the three occupants in the room. They  
stared in shock at the angry man. He seemed to be radiating  
power, so much that even though they were muggles, they  
could feel it.  
  
"Where is my son," Severus growled quietly at the man,  
woman, and boy. For a second, they could do nothing but  
gape at the man. "Now!" he roared.  
  
As one the muggles pointed to the ceiling, too scared to do  
anything else. Severus turned swiftly and ran out of the  
room, to where he had seen stairs and ran up them. He  
opened the first door and didn't see anything. He checked  
all the doors until he found one that was padlocked. His heart  
dropped into his stomach. He swiftly took out his wand and  
said the appropriate spell and the lock fell off the door. He  
opened it and the smell of the room nearly made him pass out.  
  
There were large amounts of pooled blood, and by the smell,  
it had been there for a while. He quickly scanned the room  
and found the small bundle on the twin bed. Severus quickly  
ran to the bed and his worst fears were confirmed. There on  
the bed was his son. Bloody and beaten, laying in his own filth  
for Merlin knew how long. A broken sob escaped out of his  
mouth. How could anyone do this to a child? He had only  
seen this amount of brutality done to the muggles the Dark  
Lord tortured.  
  
He quickly checked the boy's neck. When he felt the faint  
beats of a heart, he thanked every deity he could think of  
and carefully gathered the boy to him. He didn't even waste  
the time to look for the boy's things for he knew he would be  
back. He ran as fast as he could, trying not to jostle his  
precious burden too much. He went as far as he knew it  
was to safely apperate. With a pop, he was gone.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Harry was lost in a sea of red. He didn't feel any pain.  
He knew he had been there for a long time but didn't  
know for how long. He really didn't want to wake up.  
He felt safe, for the first time since the summer had  
started. He thought of how marvelous it would be  
to never have to go back. No feelings of guilt, no  
pain, no disappointing anyone, no expectations.  
He was the closest to heaven that he had been in a  
long time. He wanted to just slip away and never  
look back.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Review Responses:  
  
Selua- Sorry that I spelled your name wrong in the   
last chapter. That was from my messy handwriting.   
I write down the names and what I am going to say   
and I miss read your name. Once again, I am sorry.  
  
Katy999- Thanks for being my beta! You have no   
idea how greatful I am. ^_^  
  
WittchWay- Thank you  
  
RivenKnight- Thank you  
  
Lei Dumbledore- Thank you, here it is.  
  
Kateri- ::Chuckles:: You're going to have to wait a   
bit more for the pain part of the fic. There wasn't   
time for revange. Besides, it's a dish better served   
cold. Mwahahahaha. ^_^  
  
Kitty- ::chuckles:: sorry it took me so long. And   
you'll have to wait a bit long to have some f those   
queations answered.  
  
Linteloteiel the Elf Slut- Thank you for the review   
and offer of being a beta.  
  
Tigergirl- ::smiles:: I haven't figured out what I   
am going to do with Voldemort, as of yet. Thanks.  
  
Furies- Thanks for bookmarking me. Sorry that the   
update took so long.  
  
ZetaStar- Thanks  
  
Shadow4284- Thanks  
  
jliles- ^_^ Just wait the pain will come.  
  
sparrow- Thank you for the review and offer of   
being a beta.  
  
LoMaRiBa- Thank you  
  
Fnxmoon- ::smiles:: Thank you  
  
Belladonna- Thank you.  
  
Artemis Le Fay- Sorry about the delay of the update.   
Hope you enjoy.  
  
Lirael- Thank you  
  
Sela- How was that? ^_^.  
  
Thank you all. I love all of the reviews. You make me feel  
loved. If I get to the 50th review, I will dedicate the next   
chapter to them. Hopefully the next chapter will be   
dedicated to someone. ::hint, hint:: Thanks again and   
have a great day, night, whatever. ^_^. 


	5. Angel

Farther  
By Reanne080  
Rated R  
  
*** This chapter dedicated to Kayla Summers, #50 and Fnxmoon, cause she really   
wanted to be #50, too. ^_^. Thank you, without everybody's reviews, I know this story   
wouldn't be up nearly as fast as it is. I really appreciate all of you. You all make writing   
rewarding! Thanks bunches. ***  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hey Everyone. Sorry that it's taking me so long to update, but I am doing a lot better   
updating this story then any other that I have written. ^_^. At least I have updated   
weekly. It might be longer next time because my beta is not going to have email   
access. Just wanted to let you know. I hope everyone likes this chapter. Have fun!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the songs.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Spend all your time waiting  
for that second chance,  
for a break that would make it okay.  
  
There's always some reason  
to feel not good enough,  
and it's hard, at the end of the day.  
  
I need some distraction,  
Oh, beautiful release.  
Memories seep from my veins.  
  
Let me be empty,  
Oh, and weightless,  
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight.  
  
In the arms of the angel,  
fly away from here,  
from this dark, cold hotel room,  
and the endlessness that you feel.  
  
You are pulled from the wreckage,  
Of your silent reverie.  
You're in the arms of the angel,  
may you find some comfort here.  
  
So tired of the straight line,  
and everywhere you turn,  
there's vultures and thieves at your back.  
  
The storm keeps on twisting.  
Keep on building the lies  
that you make up for all that you lack.  
  
Don't make no difference,  
escape one last time.  
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness,  
Oh, this glorious sadness,  
that brings me to my knees.  
  
In the arms of the angel,  
fly away from here,  
from this dark, cold hotel room,  
and the endlessness that you feel.  
  
You are pulled from the wreckage,  
Of your silent reverie.  
You're in the arms of the angel,  
may you find some comfort here.  
You're in the arms of the angel,  
may you find some comfort here.  
  
Angel by Sarah McLachlan  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Severus apparated as close as he could to Hogwarts. He ran into the school   
and started to shout for help. He was so distressed that he did not even use a spell to   
amplify his voice. He used every short cut he knew to get to the infirmary. He made it   
up there in record time.  
  
Poppy, who was there to help Severus after meetings with Voldemort, was   
alerted to the shouting and was standing at the ready. She was astonished to see   
Severus almost flying at her as he rushed in with a small body in his arms. She was   
shocked that Severus had tears running down his face. She moved quickly to the   
bed to see what she could do.  
  
When she looked down on the child that was laid before her, she gasped in   
horror. The boy was in bad shape. His arm and leg were at unnatural angles and his   
face was covered in bruises and dried blood. She quickly composed herself as much   
as possible, even though tears flowed freely down her face. She cast a few spells on   
the boy. A quick cleaning spell to remove the blood, one to remove his clothes, and   
one to list what was wrong.  
  
After getting the list of what was wrong, she gasped at the name on the   
paper, her eyes even wider then before. She quickly scanned the boy's forehead   
and his identity was confirmed. Her face scrunched up and she took a shuddering   
breath. She set his arm and leg and cast a numbing and sleeping spell on him. This   
all took about a minute.  
  
She turned towards Severus, to see that the man was distraught. His eyes   
never left Harry. He was hovering as close as he could without getting in the way.  
  
"Severus, what happened to him? Was it Death Eaters?" Poppy asked.  
  
Severus slowly shook his head and barely whispered, "No, I wish it had been.   
It was his family!" He looked at Poppy and she could see horror, confusion,   
sadness, anger, and hurt in his eyes. She could understand all of those emotions.   
How could anyone's family hurt such a sweet boy, who desperately needed love?   
Her heart broke and a ragged sob broke through her mouth.  
  
The door to the infirmary was thrown over and Albus stormed in, worry in his   
face. He halted in his step when he saw the small body laying on a bed. He then   
quickly walked over to the bed and gasped as his suspicions were confirmed. He   
looked up in horror at Severus.  
  
"Oh, Merlin, what happened? How?" he whispered.  
  
Severus glanced up and red filled his vision. "How could you?! We all told   
you that he should not have been left with those muggles, but you never   
listened! After what Minerva told us she had witnessed before you dropped   
him off, we knew that something would go wrong! Why, Albus, why?" Severus's   
tirade ended in sobs. He dropped his head onto the bed and continued to sob out   
his anger and frustration.  
  
Albus had tears running down his face. He knew there was nothing he could   
do. Severus was justified at feeling anger, even if at the time, there was nothing   
Albus could have done. The Dursly's where the only place for him to go. He thought   
he had provided protection with Mrs. Figg there to keep an eye on things, but she   
had never reported abuse. He did not know what was going on  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Harry was in bliss. He was floating and had not a care in the world. He had   
a small smile on his face. He could feel a soft warm breeze across his face. The perfume   
of wild flowers met his nose. He was the happiest that he could remember being. Here,   
nothing could hurt him, even though he don't remember why that was important. On the   
wind, he heard a voice.  
  
"Harry," a soft, feminine voice called out in a whisper.  
  
Harry opened his eyes and saw that he was in a field of wild flowers. He   
looked around for the voice. In the distance, he saw a woman in long, flowing, white   
robes with long red hair to her waist. Her arms were held wide, just waiting for him to   
embrace her. A feeling of pure joy and bliss filled him. He knew this woman.  
  
"Mum!" he cried joyfully. He jumped up and ran into her waiting arms. Her   
arms went around him and he felt safe. He started to cry, the emotions overwhelming   
him. The woman was also crying. She rained kisses on the top of his head.  
  
"Oh, my sweet baby, I am so sorry. I never wanted to leave you. Oh, baby,   
you're safe now. You're safe," She crooned to him softly. After crying out everything in   
him, Harry looked up into emerald eyes and smiled.  
  
"Mum, I have missed you so much. I love you, mum," he told her for the   
first time, needing desperately to say it.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Unnoticed by Severus, who was too busy crying, and Poppy, who was looking   
for numbing potions, the boy in the bed smiled very faintly, his face relaxed and   
peaceful.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Review Responses:  
  
Athenakitty- We will see ::grins::  
  
Kitty- ::chuckles:: I probably will, but not promising anything.  
  
RivenKnight- ::chuckles:: you will have to wait and find out! lol.  
  
Lei Dumbledore- Sorry about that. I wish I could write longer chapters, but I can't. It   
takes me a few hours just to write the small chapters and if I wrote longer ones, I don't   
think I would ever post them. Thank you, though.  
  
Selua- ::chuckles:: ok.  
  
jliles- Heh. Thanks. We will see. I haven't decided what I am going to do with the   
Dursly's quite yet, but they will be taken care off. ^_^  
  
Kitala- ::smiles:: Thank you. He should find out in a couple of chapters, hopefully.  
  
Kayla Summers- Woohoo, #50! Thank you  
  
Tempest- ::big smiles:: Thank you so much! I am glad I didn't turn you off   
"Snape-is-Harry's-dad" fics. And I am glad that you like my music. Right now,   
though, I am having difficulty picking songs. If you have any suggestions, please   
tell me. Most of the songs that I have left have to do with significant others, which   
isn't quite appropriate for a father/son relationship. lol.  
  
Katy999- ::chuckles:: At least where the Dursly's are concerned.  
  
Belladonna- ::chuckles:: I am really trying for this story.  
  
Tigergirl- ::Big Grin:: Thank you! I really try to be descriptive. That's what takes   
the longest to do in writing this story.  
  
Fnxmoon- ::chuckles:: Thank you. I am glad you like my story. And they will pay,   
have no worries! heh heh. I also dedicated this chapter to you too, since you said   
you wished it and it's in my power to do so. ^_^  
  
Sela- ::Blushes:: wow! Thank you, you really made my day. I hope that you liked   
this chapter just as much!  
  
Sam- Thank you. 


	6. Remember Me This Way

Farther  
by Reanne080  
rated R  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and character's are not mine, but I do twist  
them to fit my evil mind. Mwhahahahaha *hack, cough* uhh, ok.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
***This chapter is dedicated to Tigergirl, Who has given me the   
most wonderful reviews I have ever gotten. They are enough to   
make me blush! ::smiles:: It's reviewers like you that help writter's   
to contine to write, no matter what. Thankyou again.***  
  
Hey Guy's I'm very sorry that this took so long to update, but I  
haven't had a good inspiration for a while. I am really sorry. I will  
try and be better from now on, but I am not making any promises.  
I am also a little nervous about where I am going to be taking this  
story. I have an idea, but I do not want people to get mad at me.  
This idea just popped in my head for the bad guy. I have read a  
few stories, one or two, that had him cast in a bad light, but none that  
I have seen for what I have planned. Just remember, I don't  
necessarily believe that this person is bad, it just works for what I have  
planned. As of right now, no one has a clue of what I am talking about,  
but you will in a few chapters, hopefully. Just remember, if you flame  
me I will not hesitate to respond in kind. Ok, that's it for me.. Thanks  
for all the lovely reviews! ^_^ Please keep it up. Thanks again to my  
beta Katy999. You are the greatest!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Every now and then  
We find a special friend  
Who never lets us down  
Who understands it all  
Reaches out each time you fall  
You're the best friend that I've found  
  
I know you can't stay  
A part of you will never ever go away  
Your heart will stay  
  
I'll make a wish for you  
And hope it will come true  
That life would just be kind  
To such a gentle mind  
If you lose your way  
Think back on yesterday  
Remember me this way  
Remember me this way  
  
I don't need eyes to see  
The love you bring to me  
No matter where I go  
And I know that you'll be there  
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere  
I'll always care  
  
And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you  
I'll be standing by your side and all you do  
And I won't ever leave  
As long as you believe  
You just believe  
  
I'll make a wish for you  
And hope it will come true  
That life would just be kind  
To such a gentle mind  
If you lose your way  
Think back on yesterday  
Remember me this way  
Remember me this way  
  
Remember me this way ~ Jordan Hill, Casper soundtrack  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Lily smiled down at her child, her eyes filled with love and sadness.  
"Harry, love. There are things that you need to know, before you  
go back."  
  
Harry looked up quickly, "But mum, I want to stay with you! There  
is nothing back there but pain. I don't want to go back!" he  
choked out.  
  
She looked at him, pain in her eyes. "Oh, my dear son. Things  
will be different, you will see. Things will not be the same. You will  
be with someone who loves you. He will make sure you are never  
hurt again. There are facts present that were not before. There  
are things that I need to tell you, before you are sent back. Will  
you listen to me?" her eyes pleading with him.  
  
He nods, confusion in his eyes.  
  
She draws in a deep breath. "There are things that you need to  
know. Unfortunately, no one was able to tell you, because the  
people involved were either dead or too hurt to explain. The big  
thing, the one to change your whole life, is that James," a slight  
hitch in her breath, "is not your father." She holds a finger to  
Harry's lips to stall his questions. "I was tricked into marring  
James. Before James, I was married to another man. James  
and Sirius did not want me to be with him, but I did not care. I  
loved him with all of my heart. They could not see what I saw in  
him. To most, he was a mean-tempered, nasty-mouthed boy. I  
saw through that to his wounded heart." Through this her eyes  
glowed with remembered love. Her face was radiant.  
  
Harry was amazed by what he saw in his mother's eyes. She  
literally glowed. His heart was racing, though. Who could his  
father be, if not James? He was the spitting image of him. He  
hated to intrude on his mother's memories, but he needed to  
know. "Who?" he asked in a whisper.  
  
Lily closed her eyes softly and hugged Harry closer. "Severus  
Snape."  
  
Harry's eyes widened and he tried to break out of her strong  
grip. He had tears running down his face. "What?! No. Not  
him, please, not him!" he started to yell then sobbed. All  
through it, his mother held him and rocked him back and  
forth, trying to comfort him.  
  
"Oh, honey, it's not a bad thing. I know you have not seen his  
good side, but I know he will be thrilled to know that you are  
his. He has always wanted a child. He was devastated when  
he thought that I was pregnant with James' child. It broke his  
heart. He has so much love to give and had no one to give it  
too. Oh, please Harry, give him a chance, love." Lily looked  
into Harry's eyes, pleading for him to listen to her.  
  
Harry was in shock, barely hearing what his mother was saying  
to him. It was too much. Everything was too much. He was  
numb from all that had happened to him in the last few months.  
There was only so much a mind could go through, before  
cracking. He didn't even notice when his body started to fade  
away.  
  
Lilly noticed and she tried to clutch Harry closer. As he faded  
away she whispered into his ear, "Harry, love, remember me  
like this, full of life and love. This is how I want you to remember  
me. I love you, my child and I will be with you always...." As she  
choked out the last few words, Harry disappeared. Lily's arms,  
with nothing to hold, folded around herself as she slowly started  
to disappear, too.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Severus was sleeping with his head on his son's chest, calmed by  
the steady breath. All of Harry's wounds were healed. Now he just  
had to regain consciousness. Harry had been out for a week and  
Severus hadn't left his side as much as possible. Nothing could have  
moved him. Severus stirred as he felt something on his head. He  
raised his head and looked down upon his son. The boy's arm was  
twitching. Severus smiled and called out to Albus and Poppy.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Reviw Responces:  
  
Momma-dar- ::smiles:: Don't worry, he will!  
  
Dragona (1)- Thank you  
  
Sela- ::chuckles:: Thank you. I might have Lily appear later in the fic,   
but I haven't decided yet.  
  
Lei Dumbledore- ::smiles:: Kill off Harry? Never! ::chuckles:: Thank   
you for your review.  
  
Ian (1 & 2)- Thank you  
  
Selua- Thank you  
  
Fallen Dragon- ::chuckles:: Thank you.  
  
Tigergirl- Thank you for your wonderful praise. Personally, I think   
that Severus has a lot of repressed emotions, so when he does let go,  
emotionally, he could do anything. Thank, again. You are a   
wonderful reviewer.  
  
Ian (4)- ::chuckles:: Sorry. It seemed to fit with the lyrics for the song.   
I hope that you like this chapter better.  
  
RivenKnight- ::smiles:: sorry it's so short. I'll try harder to get the   
chapters longer. Thank you.  
  
Ishtar- Thanks. I update when I can.  
  
Fnxmoon- ::smiles:: Your welcome. ::chuckles:: I hope I make the   
revenge part good. I don't want it to be stupid or juvenile, but I   
don't want it to be homicidal, either. Thank you for the review.  
  
Dragona (2)- Here you go. Thank you for your review, again. ::smiles::  
  
***Next chapter will be deciated to the 75th reviewer.*** 


	7. Notice

Hay, everyone. I just wanted to post an update. I am really   
sorry about the long delay in posting my story, but I have   
found myself very busy. My husband has a new job and   
it's farther away then his old one, so I have to drive him. To   
do so, I have to borrow my mom's car because mine is broken   
down. To use her car, I have to help her make costumes for   
"Taming of the Shrew" Which, hopefully I will be done with   
next week, I think. Once again, I am really sorry that the   
next chapter is taking so long. Have a great day,  
  
Reanne080 


	8. Please Read

Hey Everyone. I m sorry that I haven't updated. It seems that   
  
life has gotten in the way. A lot has changed since I posted   
  
last. I am in the prosess of getting a divorce and I have   
  
moved out of my house. The big problem is that where I moved   
  
to doesn't have a computer, so I can't update. And other   
  
problem is that after reading the last book, somethings that   
  
I had planed can't happen, but I think I did make this an   
  
alternite universe, so who can say ^_^. Thank you all for   
  
being soo patient with me. I am going to try and convince   
  
my dad, that's who I live with now, to buy a computer. Wish   
  
me luck, all!  
  
Reanne 


	9. Awake

Farther  
  
by Reanne080  
  
rated R  
  
*This chapter is dedicated to RivenKnight, for being the 75th reviewer and staying   
  
with me this long. Belladonna, for being the 100th reviewer. And to Fnxmoon, my   
  
faithful fan, ::grins:: I am still tickled that you said that. I will love yah forever! ^_^  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
Well, here you all go. The next chapter. I hope that you will enjoy it. I am very   
  
sorry that it took me this long to update. Hopefully it won't take me this long again.   
  
If it does, feel free to bug me till I update. ^_^. All of your reviews have helped me to   
  
start this up again and to carry on, despite the 5th book being out. I am going to   
  
incorporate some stuff in the story, but I am not sure of how much. It will all depend   
  
on what I decide to do. Some things I have decided to change, not that it matters to   
  
you all, because you had no idea of what they were, ::grins:: Well, enough of my   
  
jabbering, on with the story….  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
Wait another minute.   
  
Can't you see what this pain has fucking done to me?  
  
I'm alive and still kickin'.   
  
What you see I can't see...  
  
and maybe you'll think before you speak.  
  
I'm alive   
  
for you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
because of you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
I told you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
swallowing you.  
  
Take another second.   
  
Turn your back on me...  
  
and make believe that you're always happy.  
  
It's safe to say you're never alive.   
  
A big part of you has died.  
  
And by the way...  
  
I hope you're satisfied.  
  
I'm alive   
  
for you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
because of you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
I told you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
swallowing you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
for you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
because of you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
I told you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
Tearing it back unveiling me.  
  
Taking a step back so I can breathe.  
  
Hear the silence about to break.  
  
Fear resistance when I'm awake.  
  
Tearing it back unveiling me.  
  
Taking a step back so I can breathe.  
  
Hear the silence about to break.  
  
Fear resistance when I'm awake.  
  
I'm alive   
  
for you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
because of you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
I told you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
swallowing you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
for you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
because of you.  
  
I'm alive   
  
I told you.   
  
I'm awake   
  
swallowing you.  
  
Awake ~ Godsmack  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
When Albus and Poppy rushed into the room after hearing Severus's calls, they were   
  
happy to see that Harry was starting to wake up. Poppy quickly cast a spell to see if   
  
everything was okay with the boy. She sighed in relief, everything was still stable. She   
  
quickly nodded to Albus and Severus.  
  
"He is fine, but do not tire him. He still needs his rest. Physically, he might be better,   
  
but emotionally, it has yet to be determined... and I will not allow either of you the   
  
opportunity to distress him in anyway." The medi-witch glared at both men, paying   
  
particular attention to Severus.  
  
Severus scowled at the woman for her audacity, but consented for the betterment   
  
of his son. He desperately wanted to tell his son the truth, but also felt that after   
  
such a traumatic event, it wasn't the best time. As he was thinking, the scowl   
  
deepened on his face.  
  
Harry slowly opened his heavy eyelids and glanced about the room. He was   
  
surprised that he wasn't in any pain and disappointed that he was no longer with   
  
his mother. His eyes reached Poppy's first. She smiled down on him, trying to   
  
ease his tension, if he had any. He let his eyes wander to the next person, Albus.   
  
There was a sadness to his eyes that Harry had never seen before, even after the   
  
news that Voldemort was back. Harry was surprised at that. There was also a   
  
slight twinkle there, but Harry wasn't sure why. The last person's gaze he met   
  
was Severus'. He saw the scowl on his face, not knowing his thoughts and   
  
assumed the worst.  
  
Harry felt anger well up inside him. Here was the man that was supposed to be   
  
his father and he was mad at him for waking up. What an ass. 'Like I really   
  
wanted him for a father anyway,' Harry thought. 'I've done fine on my own and   
  
I will continue to do fine. I don't need him. I don't need anyone. They can all   
  
go to hell!'   
  
As these thoughts coursed through Harry's head, his anger plainly showed on his   
  
face. The others took an automatic step back, wondering what had set-off the   
  
boy.  
  
"What is he doing here?" Harry spoke in the deadliest voice anyone had ever heard   
  
him use before. Albus and Poppy stared in shock at Harry's rudeness. Severus'   
  
heart beat painfully in his chest. His son hated him. Harry would never accept him,   
  
but he had to try. For both of their sakes.  
  
"Now, Harry, is that anyway to talk to the man who saved your life?" Albus   
  
spoke softly, trying to defuse the boy.  
  
Harry swung his heated gaze to Albus and sat up abrubtly. "Well, if you hadn't   
  
made me go back in the first place, then he wouldn't have had to waste his precious   
  
time to retrieve me, now would he?!" he raged at the old man, not caring what he   
  
said as long as he hurt Albus.  
  
Severus was shocked at Harry's behavior and was about to reprimand him when   
  
he saw Albus shake his head very slightly, telling Severus not to interfere.  
  
"Harry," Albus sighed, looking every year of his incredible age, "I am sorry that you   
  
had to suffer. I should have known. There were people who tried to tell me what   
  
your relatives were like, but I assumed that they exaggerated. I couldn't believe   
  
that anyone would treat a blood relative like that. For that, I am very sorry. I  
  
believed that they were inherently good. That your presence would calm them and   
  
make them see that magic wasn't horrible or wrong. I should have checked on you.   
  
I did have a watcher for you, but they never told me of any abuse. They just said   
  
that you were a quiet boy, who liked to go unnoticed. I will make sure that you   
  
never have to go back to them. All of your injuries have been cataloged and sent   
  
to the ministry. They have already granted your custody to me. The Dursly's have   
  
been sent to a prison that is made for muggles that break wizard laws. They will   
  
receive the help they need. Dudley has been sent to live with his Aunt Marge,   
  
with both of their memories erased of ever knowing you. You will never be   
  
bothered by any of them again. And the reason I put you with them in the first   
  
place is that you would have protection there from Voldemort because you are   
  
blood kin. It had to be renewed once a year. That is why I had to send you back.   
  
If I had known what was going on, I would never have sent you back to them.   
  
Unfortunately, that protection did not protect you from their abuse." At the end of his   
  
long speech, he held up his hands, asking for the young boy's forgiveness.  
  
Severus stared at Albus, trying to absorb all he had heard. He also realized with   
  
him at the castle, the blood protection was still there. His heart lifted a bit, but was   
  
brought back down by the expression on his son's face.  
  
Harry was deep in thought. Was he really sent there for protection? A high, hysterical  
  
laugh swelled within his chest. It bounced eerily in the large room. Wasn't that a   
  
joke that back-fired magnificently!   
  
Before he could respond, Poppy, worried about her patent's mental health, cast   
  
a spell to cause him to sleep. Harry fell onto the bed with a thump, the world once   
  
again black.   
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
How did you all like it? Leave a review and tell me. I am a bit concerned about the   
  
flow, since it has been a long time since the update. I am going to leave in my notices.   
  
Just for those who care, since you know anyway, if you read the notices, I am still in   
  
the process of divorce. It is going well. I should find out the court date as soon as I   
  
file those papers. I just have to get my but up and get a hold of someone who can   
  
drive me. Also, I now have my very own computer! Yay! I am so happy. So,   
  
now I have no excuse except writer's block for not posting. Keep at me and I will   
  
eventually feel bad enough that I will post a section. I also have a huge amount to   
  
reviews to respond to and I will respond to each one. This chapter was dedicated   
  
to a number of people. Lets see who else reviewed my story. ^_^.  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
Athenakitty- (5,6) ::chuckles:: wait and see  
  
Harry's sister- Thank you and sorry for the delay.   
  
RivenKnight- ::waves:: Hi. Well, here it is, I hope you like it. Yay! you are   
  
number 75!  
  
Fnxmoon- Thank you, ::smiles::  
  
Lei Dumbledore- He he, your welcome. Thank you very much  
  
Kateri- Heh, you have no idea. Thank you  
  
Lirael- ::chuckles:: thank you  
  
Kemenran- Thank you  
  
Tabitha- Thank you. I hope i can keep things good for you.  
  
Cresha Potter- Thank you. I don't think that I have stated how they tricked   
  
Lilly. You will find out in later chapters. ::smiles::  
  
Tigergirl- ::chuckles:: thank you and your welcome. You will find out soon,  
  
kay?  
  
Sela- Thank you  
  
jlies- Thanks  
  
menecarkawan- (1-6) lol. I loved your reviews. ::grins:: I am sorry to   
  
disapoint you, but Sev is going to have to do a lot to be excepted. Here   
  
is the next chapter. Hopefully the wait for the next one won't be as long.   
  
Thankyou again.  
  
sarou- ::chuckles:: here yah go  
  
le'Ange_de_mort- Hey, I love your new name. ::smiles:: Everything will   
  
work out and you will be the first to know ::winks and laughs::  
  
Max48450- thanks  
  
candledot- (3,5,6) Thanks. No. lol  
  
Ian- sorry about the wait, here yah go.  
  
StoneDragon- Here you go, thanks. ::smiles::   
  
Belladonna- ::chuckles:: I hope that this isn't too cliche. I am trying to keep it   
  
diffrent. I am trying to stay clear of what I have read myself. Yay! you are #   
  
100!  
  
azabeth99- ::chuckles:: It was what I was going for, but hey, great minds think a   
  
like.  
  
PeachDancer- Thanks  
  
MerlinHalliwell- Here yah go  
  
Dragona- Aww, that's cool. ::smiles:: Thanks  
  
Scholcomp25- Thank you, here you go  
  
Shinigami06- Thank you  
  
Fnxmoon- lol. Yay! I have a faithful fan! He he, I'm giddy! ::smiles and claps   
  
hands::  
  
Xirleb70- Yay. Thank you  
  
Ian- lol. I will be 23 this year  
  
ranger- Thank you, I am. ::smiles::  
  
Rocker_Starlight- (7,6) Hey, hun. Do you know Ian? And I am trying to flesh   
  
out my stories. Thanks for noticing that I am better. lol.  
  
Fnxmoon- Here yah go, ::smiles:: I am really sorry about the delay.  
  
Harry's Muggle Sister- ::chuckles:: Your right, thank you.  
  
Selua- Thank you, I won't. ::smiles:: I think that if I abondon this story, that people   
  
will linch me. lol  
  
scotty-chan- Thanks and I am going to keep at it. And thank you for wishing me   
  
luck on the computer. I think it helped, since I got one within two days of moving in.   
  
too lazy to sign in- ::chuckles:: thank you  
  
jes- lol. you are too funny. Thank you for the laugh and the review. ::grins:: 


	10. Headstrong

Farther  
  
by Reanne080  
  
Rated R  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
This Chapter is dedicated to Arsenal, Number 125! ^_^  
  
Well, this is certainly out faster then the last chapter. ^_^ I also know   
  
what is going to happen for every chapter and the songs that I am going   
  
to use. Uhg, that was a chore. This is the Get revenge on the Dursly's.   
  
I know I said in the last chapter that they were going to Prison, but   
  
Dumbledore lied. He didn't want Harry to worry and he didn't want the   
  
news leaked about Harry's home life. I hope that you all like this chapter.  
  
Thanks also to my lovley beta, le'Ange de Mort. She is the same one as   
  
before, with a new name. ^_^ Sorry for the formatting. For some reason,   
  
Fanfiction isn't putting in the spaces. Grrr..  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Circling Circling Circling your head,  
  
contemplating everything you ever said,  
  
now i see the truth, i got doubt,  
  
a different motive in your eyes and now i'm out, see you later.  
  
I see your fantasy,  
  
you want to make it a reality paved in gold,  
  
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)  
  
Well now that's over,  
  
I see your motives inside,  
  
decisions to hide.  
  
Back off we'll take you on,  
  
Headstrong to take on anyone,  
  
I know that you are wrong,  
  
Headstrong we're headstrong,  
  
Back off we'll take you on,  
  
Headstrong to take on anyone,  
  
I know that you are wrong and  
  
this is not where you belong.  
  
I can't give everything away,  
  
I won't give everything away.  
  
Conclusions manifest,  
  
your first impressions  
  
got to be your very best,  
  
I see your full of Shit,  
  
and that's all right,  
  
that's how you play,  
  
I guess you'll get through  
  
every night,  
  
well now that's over.  
  
I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality  
  
paved in gold,  
  
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)  
  
Well now that's over, I see your  
  
motives inside, decisions to hide.  
  
Back off we'll take you on,  
  
Headstrong to take on anyone,  
  
I know that you are wrong,  
  
Headstrong we're headstrong,  
  
Back off we'll take you on,  
  
Headstrong to take on anyone,  
  
I know that you are wrong and  
  
this is not where you belong.  
  
I can't give everything away,  
  
this is not where you belong  
  
I won't give everything away.  
  
I know I know all about (x4)  
  
your motives inside,  
  
and your decisions to hide.  
  
Back off we'll take you on,  
  
Headstrong to take on anyone,  
  
I know that you are wrong,  
  
Headstrong we're headstrong,  
  
Back off we'll take you on,  
  
Headstrong to take on anyone,  
  
I know that you are wrong and  
  
this is not where you belong.  
  
I can't give everything away,  
  
this is not where you belong  
  
I won't give everything away.  
  
Headstrong ~ Trapt  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Severus stared at the bed that held his son. He couldn't believe the anger   
  
and rage that was in his child. It hurt him. Not just that he was angry at him, he   
  
understood that, but that Harry felt that type of rage meant that he had been building   
  
for some time. Severus saw red. How dare anyone hurt his boy. To make him feel   
  
that much rage? His hands shook as that same rage over took him. Without saying   
  
anything, he turned sharply and walked out of the infirmary. He was pissed for his son.   
  
He wanted revenge and heaven help the fool that stood in his way.  
  
Albus saw what was happening. He knew that Severus needed to avenge his   
  
son. He himself wanted to do something, but he wasn't in any position to do so. He   
  
took a grim satisfaction that there was nothing that he could do to the Dursly's that   
  
Severus could do one hundred times more.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Severus strode into his room. He went over to his fireplace and quickly   
  
tapped on the bricks in a pattern. A secret compartment opened up. He reached inside   
  
and grabbed what was inside. He then stalked to the boundaries of Hogwarts. As soon   
  
as he cleared them, he apperated. He retraced his route to the seemingly normal house on   
  
Privet Drive and put on the mask that he had gotten out of his room. He didn't bother to   
  
knock, just blasted the door down. He knew that no one would show up because Albus   
  
had already taken down the wards and told the ministry that the Dursly's were no longer   
  
Harry's guardians. They wouldn't be watching the place anymore.  
  
The sound of the door exploding brought the three pitiful muggles rushing   
  
into the hallway. They skidded to a stop at seeing a tall stranger in robes and a mask.   
  
Vernon, the tub of lard, started to turn purple, Petunia went pale, and Duddly just   
  
whimpered and tried to hide behind his mother.  
  
Severus smirked and his eyes glittered maliciously. While he hated   
  
Voldemort and turned from him, he was never very fond of muggles. Besides, he   
  
wouldn't care if he killed these lousy excuses for humans. "For crimes against the   
  
Wizarding world, you will pay with your blood" Severus said coldly, then smirked,   
  
"not that that is worth much, you filthy muggles. And you are powerless to stop me."   
  
He gives a cold, chilling laugh.  
  
Petunia got a green tinge to her skin, Dudley fainted, and Vernon looked like he was   
  
going to have a stroke. That gave Severus an idea. He quickly pointed his wand at   
  
the overly fat man and said calmly, " Pectus subsisto."  
  
Vernon Dursly's face seized up in pain. He clutched at his left arm. His mouth opened   
  
and closed, gapping like a fish. Then he collapsed on the floor. Petunia screamed as   
  
her husband died in front of her. He eyes widened with horror. She also fainted.  
  
Severus wasn't going to have that. He quickly cast Ennervate on the woman,   
  
leaving the boy for last. She wakened with a start. She froze when she realized that this   
  
wasn't some weird dream but reality. She started to sob. Severus sneered at her. What a   
  
pitiful excuses for a muggle. He hadn't even cast an unforgivable on the fat oaf and she was   
  
loosing it.  
  
"Now, what shall I do to you?" Severus spoke coldly. His eyes lit up. It   
  
was almost too cruel. He laughed out loud as the devious idea took hold of him. He   
  
spoke a every long incantation. "Ingenero filius converto recordatio Harry Potter." Then   
  
he started another one, "Paulatim existo caecus." He chuckles at what he ahd done. He   
  
had just punished them all.  
  
After a few minutes, Petunia shook her head, as if to clear it. During that   
  
time Severus moved Vernon's dead body to the living room. She swung her gaze to the   
  
knocked out boy on the floor. She sneered and roughly shook the boy. "Get up, you lazy   
  
freak!"  
  
Duddly wok up with a start at the cruel voice. His eyes widened with fright   
  
when he realized that it was his mother talking to him. "But Mom?"  
  
Petunia looked livid when the boy uttered that. "As if I would mother a   
  
freak like you! You are worthless, you are not even worthy to live in that room. For your   
  
cheek, you are going back in the cupboard." She presided to drag the boy to the   
  
cupboard, through it open and shove the strangely heavy, skinny boy in the very   
  
cramped space. She slammed the door home and smirked at the door. "You will learn to   
  
respect me, boy."  
  
Duddly started to whimper. The space was so small that he couldn't even   
  
move in the place. He didn't understand what was going on. Why was his mother treating   
  
him like Harry? Big tears fell from his eyes. He didn't know how he was going to   
  
cope.  
  
Severus watched with glee. That boy was going to get what he deserved. Now   
  
he had to take care of Vernon's body, so that Petunia wouldn't freak out again. He   
  
decided to petrify him, so that he wouldn't start to smell and put him in Harry's   
  
room. He didn't think that Duddly would behave enough to get out of the cupboard for   
  
a very long time. Well, till he called the police as a concerned neighbor, to check up   
  
on the child. He chuckled, thinking about the fuss that would be raised. Finding that   
  
the woman's son was looked up in a cupboard and her dead husband in a spare room.   
  
For extra insurance that Vernon would not be found, he up a notice-me-not spell on the   
  
door keyed only to Petunia. He quickly left the house, repairing the door that   
  
he had busted, and as soon as he could, apperated back to Hogwarts, back to his son.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
SPELLS  
  
Halt Heart  
  
Pectus subsisto  
  
(1)pectus : pectoris : heart, breast.  
  
subsisto : to stand, withstand /stop, halt, cease /stay, remain  
  
To implant Son Transform in mind to Harry Potter  
  
Ingenero filius converto recordatio Harry Potter  
  
(2)ingenero : to plant, implant, generate  
  
filius : son.  
  
converto : to transform  
  
recordatio : recollection, memory, recall.  
  
Gradually become blind  
  
Paulatim existo caecus  
  
(3)caecus : blind, sightless  
  
paulatim : gradually, little by little.  
  
existo : to become  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Well, please tell me what you think. Thanks everyone.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Max48504(Ry) ~ Thanks. Yah  
  
Ranger2 ~ Thanks, here is is  
  
jes9 ~ ::chuckles:: thanks.  
  
Kemenran ~ ::smiles:: you will have to wait and see  
  
judith ~ Thank you. Me too. This is just one explanation that will work   
  
for my story. ::blushes:: I don't think so, but thank you for saying it.  
  
Arsenal (5,8,9) ~ Thank you for your kind words. i am glad that you like my   
  
story. I am trying to be original, but it's hard to know what's been done and what hasn't.  
  
menecarkawan ~ ::grins:: Thanks, glad that you like it.  
  
Fnxmoon ~ ::smiles:: I like that song, but I have a different song already   
  
picked out. I hope that you like it just as much. I have to restrain myself from typing it up   
  
earlier but it just won't fit anywhere but the end. ^_^  
  
Angelus ~ I am sorry that you abandoned your first fic.I really liked it. I   
  
like your new ones too. I hope that you will finish those. ^_^  
  
Max48504(Ry) ~ Thanks. You do, for art. You know I suck at art, but you   
  
are a great artist.  
  
Deatheater03 ~ He will be for a bit, but I am a sucker for happy endings, so   
  
they will make up. I do hope that I make that process as angsty as possible for you, though. 


	11. Unwell

Farther  
  
by Reanne080  
  
rated R  
  
Disclaimer: I do't own Harry Potter  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Well, this is chapter 10, or 8 actually, since two chapters are notes. This   
  
chapter has a character in it that isn't made up. She is based off of someone in my life.   
  
Everything in it is true. I wanted to give Harry someone to relate to. I will not tell   
  
how this person is related to me, but it's not that hard to figure out. She just seemed like   
  
the best choice for me to put in. She probably won't show up again. Well, I hope you like   
  
it. Thanks again for your reviews. Though I have finally gotten a bad review, I think   
  
that since I had gotten 140 awesome reviews before that and a few after, I won't take the   
  
person's comments to heart. I will be responding to all of the reviews at the bottom. I am   
  
pretty sure that I stated before that I will flame those who flame me. Well here is my chance   
  
to do so. ::chuckles:: And I need to thank my best friend for pointing out something in the   
  
person's review that helped me out. Thanks Tempest675, you know I love yah. ^_^.  
  
Also, I can't seem to be able to keep the format on these things, no matter what I do. If   
  
some one can help me. Notepad and html doesn't seem to like my spaces. Grrrrrrrr...  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Maggy and to Tempest675. Both of you have   
  
touched my life in too many ways to name. Both of you have lifted me up when I was down   
  
and gave me the courage to believe in my self. I love you both, more then I can ever say.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
All day staring at the ceiling  
  
Making friends with shadows on my wall  
  
All night hearing voices telling me  
  
That I should get some sleep  
  
Because tomorrow might be good for something  
  
Hold on  
  
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown  
  
And I don't know why  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be...me  
  
I'm talking to myself in public  
  
Dodging glances on the train  
  
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me  
  
I can hear them whisper  
  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me  
  
Out of all the hours thinking  
  
Somehow I've lost my mind  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
I've been talking in my sleep  
  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
  
Yeah, they're taking me away  
  
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
Yeah, how I used to be  
  
How I used to be  
  
Well, I'm just a little unwell  
  
How I used to be  
  
How I used to be  
  
I'm just a little unwell  
  
Unwell ~ Matchbox 20  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Harry was laying on the uncomfortable hospital bed, looking into nothing.   
  
His mind raced around the fact that one of the people who made his life unbearable was   
  
now connected to him. He just couldn't grasp the fact, it made his heart ache. Everything   
  
in his life was a lie. No one ever told him the truth and he was frustrated. 'Why was it so   
  
hard for adults to tell the truth. Didn't any of them realize that by lying to me now, they are   
  
harming me a lot more then the truth ever could. They didn't think I could handle it. Ha!   
  
Who were they to decide what I am ready for. I have faced Voldemort three, no four times,   
  
including when I was one. I am sick of the lies. Sick of the pain. I just wanted it all to end.   
  
The lies, pain, heartache. It's too much. Living hurt too much.' he thought.  
  
Tears started to leak out of his eyes. He knew that these thoughts were not right, but he  
  
just couldn't stop himself. The more he thought about his life, the more depressed he got.  
  
A ragged sob broke from his chest. He felt like he was going crazy, but he couldn't stop.  
  
It was all too much.  
  
He put a pillow over his head, to try and block out the world, but the thoughts kept coming.   
  
They ran around in his brain long into the night. He didn't want to sleep, knowing what   
  
would happen, but also not wanting to think. He continued to cry into the pillow, hurting so   
  
much. His whole chest was filled with pain that felt like it would never go away. He cried   
  
for the little boy without love, the little boy locked in the dark cupboard, and the little boy   
  
that was hit. He cried for the young boy thrust into a world he didn't know, the young boy   
  
that tried to do the best he could, and the young boy that just wanted love. He cried for the   
  
child that had seen too much death, the child that had to face the anger and fear of his peers,   
  
and the child that had to face what adults were afraid to face. He cried for the lost childhood   
  
and the lost innocence. He cried for himself and all that he had lost.  
  
When Poppy came around to check on Harry the next morning, she noticed his tear tracked   
  
face. Her heart broke for the young man who's world had been turned upside down. With   
  
everything that has happened to the boy, she knew that something had to be done for his   
  
mental state. She had already talked to Albus and Severus about a counselor, someone the   
  
boy could talk to. She knew that he needed someone that wouldn't judge him, didn't know   
  
him, and could be impartial. She knew of a medi-wizard that would be perfect. She was an   
  
old school friend and she had a lot of famous cases that no one ever found out about. She   
  
knew better then to disclose any information. Her work was too important to jeopardize.   
  
The Woman was to show up in a few hours to talk to Harry. Poppy hoped that this would   
  
help him to cope with everything.  
  
Harry woke up to a strange voice in the room. He knew that he didn't recognize it. He   
  
reached up and took the pillow off of his face and found his glasses, putting them on his   
  
face. He looked towards the voice. It was a plump, middle-aged woman with long   
  
blonde hair in a French braid and kind blue-grey eyes. She noticed that Harry was up   
  
and walked over to him.  
  
"Hello, Harry. My name is Maggy MacMillan. I am a Psychologist. I was brought here   
  
to help you cope with what has happened." she smiled at him in a friendly manner. "This   
  
doesn't mean that you are crazy, it just means that I am here to help you handle everything   
  
and sort it out. This is to help you. Anything you say to me will stay with me. I promise   
  
that I will never betray your trust. I will tell you about myself first, so that you can get to   
  
know me, ok?" She smiled at him in a motherly fashion.  
  
Harry went wide-eyed. They thought he needed a shrink? 'Well, I guess I do need to   
  
talk to someone. It might help with the feelings of rage I have.' he thought. He took a   
  
calming breath and tentatively smiled back. The woman seemed to give off an air that   
  
everything was good and warm, that everything would be better.  
  
"Well, I am 48 years old. I have four sisters and one brother. I grew up in an abusive   
  
home. My father seemed to hate me and my mother left me places. I had horrible   
  
self-esteem. When I was Seventeen, I married the first man I found to get out of my   
  
parents house. Lucky me, I picked a man that treated me worse then my father. When   
  
I was with him, I ended up with four miscarriages. I actually kept two babies to term.   
  
The first boy died the day he was born. His lungs weren't developed. A year later, I   
  
had my eldest living son. He was the light of my life. I was too weak to leave my husband,   
  
so I stayed. But when he started to abuse our son, I knew I had to leave. When my   
  
husband went to work, I fled. I had no where to go. I was only 19, with a ten month old   
  
child. I found a woman's shelter that took me in. I found a job and started to support myself.   
  
Soon I met another man. He was everything that my son to be ex-husband wasn't. He was   
  
sweet and loving. He worshiped me. I had never felt so loved. We got into a physical   
  
relationship. A few months later, my husband found me. He broke down my door and   
  
raped me. I found out about a month later that I was pregnant. When my son was born,   
  
I had to have a paternity test done to determine his father. Luckily it was the other man's   
  
and I was able to get a divorce. I married the other man. While he was sweet and kind,   
  
his family wasn't. They hated me. They looked down on me cause I had been married   
  
before and that I got a divorce. They thought that I was a low life, not good enough for   
  
their baby boy. We were trying to fix up our house and needed to get a loan. The bank   
  
told us that we didn't qualify for it. If I was pregnant, then we could, So I of course told   
  
them I was. They told me that I had to prove it. Imagine to my surprise that I was. The   
  
baby came three months too early. I thought I was going to lose her too, like my first son.   
  
But medical advancement had come a long way in five years and she lived. For a few years   
  
everything was perfect. Then his mother convinced my husband that I wasn't doing a good   
  
job with the finances and took them over. She wouldn't even let me buy a sewing machine.   
  
I made all of my children's clothes. So I told my husband that he had better get control back   
  
from his mother or he better not come home. He was a weak man and couldn't stand up to   
  
her, so he didn't come back. Now I was alone with three children, a house half complete   
  
and little money. Then my ex-husband took custody of my eldest son, even though he   
  
hadn't seen him all that time. A year later my sister took me to court over my other two   
  
children. With the rest of the family backing her, she took my babies from me. She tried   
  
to adopt them, but I refused to sign that papers. Their dad wasn't fit to take care of them   
  
before because he drank all the time. He cleaned up his act and got custody. They lived   
  
with him for a few years. When my daughter was 13, she decided that she wanted to live   
  
with me. It was rough, but we eventually got on well together. The reason I told you all of   
  
this is that I understand your pain. I will not judge you harshly. I will tell you the truth. I hate   
  
lies. That's what took my children away. Do you think that I might be able to help you talk   
  
things out?" She smiled at the young man. She had told the story with as little emotion as   
  
possible, but her voice wavered in parts with remembered pain.  
  
Harry's heart hurt for the woman's story. He couldn't see how this sweet lady disserved   
  
what had happened to her. He knew that she would understand him and not be critical of   
  
him. He felt like he could trust her. He told her of his early life and how it hurt him. She   
  
told him that no one deserved that and he was a good boy. That he did have people who   
  
loved him. He told her about what happened in his years at Hogwarts. She told him that he   
  
shouldn't have had to face all of that on his own. He should have been allowed to have a   
  
childhood. She was trying to hide her anger at the adults in this boy's life. He told her   
  
about how Professor Snape treated him and she listened. Then he told her about this past   
  
summer and all that he had learned. She felt the pain of the boy.  
  
"Harry. I am not trying to condone what your father did to you. He hurt you deeply, even   
  
if he didn't know that you were his son. I think that he had a lot of pain in his life too. You   
  
said the he and the man you thought was your father were enemies in school. He might have   
  
felt that you were the embodiment of his enemy. It wasn't fair to you, but do you understand   
  
where he might have come from?" she said softly, looking into his eyes.  
  
Harry thought about it and grudgingly nodded. Especially if he had loved his mother and then   
  
thought that she had turned around and got pregnant with said enemy. He would have felt   
  
angry and hurt too. He sighed and looked up. "Yes I understand," he stated softly.  
  
Maggy nodded and smiled. "I think he wants to make it up. When I talked to him earlier,   
  
he told me he felt horrible about the way he treated you. Do you think that you might give   
  
him a chance?"  
  
He grimaced and nodded slowly. "I guess." His face hardened a bit, "But if he doesn't   
  
change, then I won't. He has a lot to make up for."  
  
Maggy smiled a bit. "It will take time. You both have to build the trust up. There is a lot   
  
of hurt on both sides. Just give him a chance. You could end up with all the love you have   
  
missed out on. Just remember to be true to your self, Harry." She looked down at her   
  
watch and gasped. "Oh, wow, we have been talking most of the day." She chuckled.   
  
"I think it's time for lunch. Just give me a call if you need me, ok? I will be here for you   
  
as long as you need me." She got up an hugged the boy.  
  
Harry noticed that she smelled of baby power and dove soap. The smell went straight to   
  
his heart. He released the hug and smiled at Maggy. He was sad when she left, but felt   
  
a lot better. It was like a weight had been lifted off of his chest. He ate the food that   
  
appeared. He was just about to lie down for some sleep when he noticed Severus Snape   
  
was watching him. The man approached his bed and Harry tensed up. He knew that he  
  
needed to talk to him, but he was still a bit angry. He nodded curtly to Severus and   
  
motioned to him to sit. he was going to listen to what the man had to say.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Reviews  
  
Kateri1 ~ Thank you.  
  
Kemenran ~ ::smiles:: Thank you. Healing eventually, but there is still a lot to go.  
  
Selua ~ (9) Thank you. Harry is angry and healing will be slow. Sev's past is coming   
  
in the next chapter. Thank you, I hope it will turn out ok. It should be done by the end   
  
of this month. (10) ::chuckles:: I tried to think of something that I hadn't seen before.   
  
For the rest, wait and see. ::grins::  
  
Hyperbole ~ ::chuckles:: It could be taken that way. It wasn't planned by Sev like that.   
  
He actually got pissed off and had to readjust his plans.  
  
Reading-Whiz ~ Thank you. Eventually he will, but they are at the beginning right now.  
  
Fnxmoon ~ ::chuckles:: Thank you for your, once again, wonderful praise. You make   
  
up for any bad reviews I get. I will check out your stories, too. I hope that you like this   
  
chapter too.  
  
ranger2 ~ Thank you  
  
Arsenal ~ petunia will go blind and she will realize that she had treated her own son the   
  
way she treated Harry. Fitting I though, ::smirks:: lol. Yah, he will. He needs it, though.  
  
Anonamous Irritant ~ No one forced you to read this. Since you only read to chapter 2,   
  
you do not have an accurate grasp on this story. I have never stated that I was the best   
  
speller out there. I know I am bad at it, which is why I now have a beta. She does a great   
  
job, considering that I am not good at spelling. And you want to criticize my spelling?   
  
You misspelled your own name! Anonymous... Also, I haven't explained the whole story   
  
yet. I am just getting to the past again at chapter 11. I am doing what I want to do. This   
  
is my story. If you don't like it, write one of your own. I noticed that I can't check out   
  
yours because you were not brave enough to leave a signed review. Or that you don't  
  
have the guts to write your own. I work very hard on this story. I am proud of it. There   
  
are too many people who like my story for you to bother me. I just like to vent. ::chuckles::   
  
Thanks for the opportunity to do so.  
  
menecarkawan ~ ::chuckles:: Thanks  
  
jes9 ~ ::smiles:: Thanks  
  
Jemini ~ ::smiles:: I will have to check it out, thanks  
  
max48504 ~ Thanks, I hope this is another good chapter  
  
Furies ~ ::smiles:: glad you like it, Thanks  
  
Teen Prodigy of Ravenclaw ~ ::smiles:: Thanks. Everyone has a Slythrin side. We all must   
  
indulge sometimes. ::winks::  
  
Jennieangel ~ I am glad that you love the story, hope you like this Chapter too. 


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